I Want Beauty

An old boyfriend made the mistake of telling me I was awesome because I was “low maintenance,” “fun to be around,” and “like a dude with boobs.”  He said it was so cool because I was his best friend that he could make out with.

I took it as a compliment.

I was a teenager and I wanted boys to like me and this was a huge compliment.  Because it meant I wasn’t a boring girlfriend.  I wasn’t a nag.  I wasn’t high maintenance.  If I was fun to be around and it was like hanging out with your best friend then a guy wouldn’t feel like he was missing out on something when he was with me instead of his bros, right?  And if all of those things were true then I wouldn’t be the girl who got dumped.  Right?

Right.  Sort of.

To this day, I’m pretty fun to hang out with.  I drink beer.  I love going to sports bars and playing beer pong.  I love playing video games.  Yeah I’m pretty cool.  But being cool has never saved me from heartache.  So…there goes that theory.

The problem is I totally took the whole “low maintenance” thing to heart.  I never really got into make-up or hair.  I didn’t want to come across as “too girly.”  And that totally bit me in the ass as I got older since it meant not having much in common with other girls and not really knowing how to dress.  Like, I’m seriously watching beauty blogs to figure this stuff out.

I let myself go.  Once I got the boyfriend (and I’ve never really had trouble in that department. I’ve been loved.  I am loved.  I feel blessed.) I just sort of threw in the towel.  I thought, “Oh my natural beauty is what he loves.”  And I’m sure that’s true.  But I’m not a teenager anymore and it now takes work to get this “natural beauty.”

I’m never going to be the girl who takes 5 hours to get ready.  I don’t need to put on fake eyelashes (unless it’s for a sketch) or pencil in my eyebrows or learn how to do Halle Berry inspired make up.  I like to dress in comfortable clothes and I fear it’s too late for me to learn to walk in heels.  But I do want to step up my game a bit.

I was wrong to deny myself make-up and other things “girly”  just to impress a boy (boys).  I was silly.  I never would’ve admitted it back then but I can admit it now:  I want what most women want.  I want to be beautiful.

I want to work out and get nice lean muscles and sexy abs.  I want to show off those muscles and abs in sexy clothes and I want to accentuate all of that with sexy hair and make-up.

And if that makes me “high maintenance” so be it.

Geez.  What the hell do teenage boys know about maintenance anyway.  I cannot believe I listened to them.  Because seriously, the second we stop “maintaining” is when they start complaining.  (Nice!  I rhymed).

Happy Halloween!

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