Perfect timing for this Daily Prompt.
It’s Easter Sunday and this year, on a whim (and after an invite from a friend) I decided to go to Church. I don’t go to Church often. Normally I do my Praise and Worship at home, listen to Joel Osteen or something like that. But a friend invited me to church and so I went.
And I’m glad I did.
The preacher touched upon reasons why people don’t go to church very often – one of the main reasons was because maybe someone got hurt or betrayed by a so-called Christian/church goer. I can relate. I felt like he was speaking directly to me for a moment. Growing up in church I got hurt a lot by people who were supposed be my spiritual family. And that was shocking to me – so much in fact, that I left those churches after those experiences. Wow, like, I really let the actions of mean-spirited “Christians” keep me from joining a church for years. I mean, my friend has invited me to Church on several occasions but I would just make up excuses not to go. I need to change that. Because I’ve missed fellowshipping – worship and praise – Communion Sunday. I’ve missed it. That’s not to say that overnight I’ve decided to join a church – I’m pretty set in my ways at this point. But I do have to let go of the past and stop letting the actions of others dictate my path. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll find myself back in church again -singing in a choir. Praise dancing. You never know…
But I digress.
This prompts asks about our bucket lists. The Preacher mentioned something about Bucket Lists today. While I listened to the sermon I kept thinking about all the things I really want to do before I die. Big things. Little things. And then the Pastor said, “If you’re in need of Prayer…we are here…” And I hesitated. I mean, to go and pray with someone – a stranger – a smiling stranger but still a stranger nonetheless – meant speaking my wants and desires out loud. I had to not only voice what I wanted but I had to ask for it.
I’ve never really been good at asking for things.
7“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
So I hesitated. I wasn’t sure I could ask God for the thing I wanted most right now. What if I wanted the wrong thing? What if God has a whole other plan for me? And if He does, what does that say about the time I’ve spent chasing the things I’ve wanted all these years? Would it be a waste?
I thought about the term ‘bucket list’ and how that’s just a fancy phrase we use when we are asking for the desires of our hearts. At least, I’ll admit, it is in my case. When I said I wanted to go to London – I put it on my bucket list, like it wasn’t that important, it’s just ‘that thing’ I felt I should do before I die. But really….really…going to London was the best experience of my life. It wasn’t just on that bucket list to be checked off. It was on my Prayer List. My Bucket List might actually be a cover for my Prayer List. I don’t think I realized that until today. I had (and still have) a burning, insatiable desire to live in London. And today, after a bit of hesitation, I went and Prayed with a stranger after telling him just that.
“I want a career. I want to have a successful, solid career in my field of interest. I want to be able to live and work in London. I want to do something important – something that matters. I have gifts that I want to share and I don’t want those gifts wasted away while I work in retail. I haven’t been happy for a long time so I guess more than anything…I want to feel Joy again.”
After we prayed he told me to come back to that Church and share the good news. I teared up a little – OK, no, I actually cried because I felt good. I’d gotten what I needed – Prayer. When I walked out of that service I felt light.
It’s so scary to speak the desires of one’s heart.
I was always afraid to say what I really wanted. But along with learning to knit and finally learning how to put extensions (braids, Senegalese twists) in my hair myself – I’m also going to be braver about asking God for the things I want to accomplish before I die.
King James Version (KJV)
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
In addition to going to London and having an actual successful career I’m asking God for help with overcoming my fear of roller coasters, reaching my weight goal, learning to cook, learning a new language, getting married, starting a family, starting my own business, getting my Master’s Degree, paying off all of my student loan debt, meeting and collaborating with my favorite Youtuber…etc…
The list will grow and change. Some things that I want now I may not want in the future. So I’m not going to etch it in stone Ten Commandments style. But laminating the list might be cool.
Happy Easter! Check out my new do- still gotta work in my technique but for a first timer I’d say this came out pretty decent. I’m just checking the floor to make sure none of them falls out….