Happy 2018 lovelies!
I know it's February and my last post was way back in December and I said I would have a New Year's post and a bunch of other posts up way before now. My bad. I look unreliable. I feel just awful about that. Unfortunately, it could not be helped.
I've been going through one of my "cycles" and it's been a challenge to concentrate or do anything productive. For those of you who are new to me and my social media sites, I have depression and anxiety. I talk about it occasionally and I'm totally at a point where I'm not ashamed to admit that I struggle with it.
But sometimes it gets the best of me.
The fog rolls in and I have trouble functioning under the weight of it. I won't go into too much detail here but sometimes I fall back into old habits like excessive drinking, sleeping, and eating and other toxic behavior. Once I start down that path I attract toxic people and it just becomes that much more difficult to get back on track.
Fortunately, the cycle didn't last very long and I haven't attracted any toxic people. I don't know if my energy has shifted or I'm back in the vortex or what but basically, I've only been attracting good people who only seem to want to do "the right thing" for themselves and for other people.
I find that inspiring and it's part of what's pulling me out of my cycle. They make me want to take care of myself and do the right thing for myself. Part of me wishes some of these people could've met a better version of me but everything happens (or doesn't happen) for a reason. And so it goes, am I right?
I'm fine though.
No, really. I'm fine. I'm trying to be fine. I'm going to be fine. I will be fine. I'm totally, totally truly wanting to be fine.
I'm better than I was a month ago that's for damn sure.
As amazing as it's been to have the opportunity to live abroad, to get married in both London and Italy, to travel and to raise an (evil) baby Kitten called Gatto Paul, I must admit that moving to a new place takes its toll after awhile. Adjusting to a new place, a new home, new neighbors and a new language (that I'm still struggling to learn) can be a struggle. It can be isolating. I have felt quite isolated and lonely. And that totally sucks to admit but it's true.
It's not that I'm homesick. I miss my family, yes, but I feel that Italy is becoming my home. I feel OK here. Like, as soon as I get at least the basics of the Italian language down I could be OK. Maybe even make some friends.
And I have my favorite wine bar that I go to at least 3x a week. I'm obsessed with Tigella Bella - and they know my order! And I'm working from home and loving it so far. Things are good. I almost feel guilty about being depressed.
Good things are happening but I am struggling. It's getting better though. Working out regularly certainly helps. Setting goals and crossing things off my "To Do" list also helps. Then, of course, there's Mario Kart. And sometimes Gatto Paul is a good kitty and lets me cuddle him. "Ho una bella vita," as my father-in-law says.
All this to say, I'm catching up on my blog posts and I have a few fun ones coming up. Thanks for sticking around.
Ciao for now,